Parenting with ADHD

ADHD & Parenting

With Dr. Emily Kerner

First Published: 2026-01-25

Welcome to the next installment of the ADHD series. So the next series of presentations are all within the category of, living with ADHD. So it’s a living with ADHD series. And the first presentation, the first series of presentations is about parenting when you yourself have ADHD. So that’s what we’re going to be talking about today, essentially being a parent with ADHD.

So for any of you who are watching this video who don’t know me or haven’t watched any of my previous videos, my name is Doctor Emily Kerner. I am a licensed psychologist and a consultant with the

Disability Programs and Specialized Services team. I’ve been with the health board for a couple of years.

In addition to the consultant work that I do with the health board, I also have a private practice, and in my private practice I do a lot of work with specifically adults with ADHD. So I bring a lot of that clinical experience to presenting this information to you today and throughout the different presentations that are part of this series.

I also, on a personal level, have ADHD myself, and so I like to bring in some personal examples every once in a while throughout the presentations that I give, so that you can have some of that perspective as well. So some of the clinical and some of the personal from from me as well. So I’ll be bringing some of those personal examples to highlight some of the things that we’re going to be talking about today.

So I’m going to just give you a brief outline of the topics that we’ll cover in today’s presentation. So first we’re going to do a review of what is ADHD. So hopefully everyone watching this presentation has already watched the intro introduction to ADHD presentation. That is kind of part one of the entire series. So it’s the introduction to ADHD, what is ADHD and kind of an overview if you haven’t watched that yet.

I really recommend that you go back and do that, because it will give you a nice foundation of all the information that you’ll need to understand some things for today, but just so that we’re all on the same page, I’m going to do a brief review today of what is ADHD, so that everyone can kind of feel like the rest of the presentation makes sense to you.

As we go through.

So that will be our first section is the review of what is ADHD.

The next thing that we’ll talk about today is the challenges of parenting when you have ADHD. So what are some of those things that parents who have ADHD find particularly difficult or challenging in being a parent? After we talk about the challenges, then we’re going to talk about the strengths.

So ADHD parents have a lot of strengths that they bring to parenting. And I want to make sure that we highlight those and name those for you today. After that, we’re going to talk about some different ADHD parent ADHD friendly parenting strategies. So different strategies that parents with ADHD can, can use or ways that we can maybe change some parenting strategies to be a bit more ADHD friendly.

After we do that, we’re going to talk about self-care. Self-care is incredibly important for all parents, but especially for parents who have ADHD. And then the last part of the presentation today will be offering you some different resources and support, different places that you can reach out to, both within your communities, within the health board, as well as some online support and some online resources that you can make use of.

If you are a parent with ADHD. So before we move along, I just want to name and mention that this presentation is specifically designed for parents who have been diagnosed with ADHD or even suspected they might have ADHD, maybe because their child was diagnosed with ADHD, and they’re starting to recognize some of those symptoms in themselves. But truthfully, anybody can benefit from the presentation.

But it really is geared towards parents who’ve been diagnosed or suspected they have ADHD.

So I’m going to put this up. So we’ll come back to this at the end of the presentation. But I do want to give you a little bit of time to kind of orient yourself, get into the presentation today. And so we’re going to do a little activity that is called two truths and a reframe. So there is an activity handout that is that comes along with this presentation.

So hopefully you have had access to that and you can pull that up. So there’s four pages. I’m just going to direct you to the first page of the activity handout. And that says two truths and a reframe at the top. So some of you may have heard of this or similar thing to this sort of a game.

That’s often used as a way to get to know people or kind of what we call icebreakers. It’s called two truths and a lie. So we’re not going to do that today, but we’re going to do something that’s called two truths and a reframe. So what it is, is essentially in the original version, the two truths in a lie is you say two truths about yourself and one thing that’s a lie.

And then people are supposed to guess which one is the lie. So we’re going to do it a little bit differently for today. And you can see on your sheet there’s a little bit of space for you to write down some answers here. So the first thing that I’m going to ask you to reflect on and write down for yourself is one truth about something that you find hard.

As a parent with ADHD. The second truth is going to be something that you love or do well as a parent with ADHD. And then the third is going to be the reframe, which is one way that you’re learning to work with and not against your ADHD brain. So some of this might be a little bit easier for you to complete and fill out when you’ve sat through and listen to all of the different parts of today’s presentation.

So if you feel like you’d prefer to, you know, maybe sit with this a little bit, learn a little bit as we talk about the different topics today and then complete this at the end. That’s perfectly fine. If you’d like to pause the video here and take a bit of time and write down your answers and reflect, that would be a great thing to do as well.

So whichever you feel most comfortable with is is perfectly fine. If you are watching this video with a group, or you plan to watch the video and then discuss as a group, what I would really recommend is pausing the video, writing down your answers, and then taking a little bit of time with the group that you’re watching this video with, and have a bit of a discussion so that you can share the different things that you came up with.

So just to help you out, as you fill this out, I’m going to give you an example of what this might look like. So for example, one truth about something that’s hard in parenting with ADHD is maybe I forget how much time everything takes. So I’m rushing around all the time because I don’t realize that things take a lot longer than they actually do.

So that would be my truth about something hard in parenting with ADHD. My next truth about something that I love or do well is that I’m very emotionally attuned, so I’m able to pick up on my kids emotions or how they’re feeling. So that’s something that I see as a strength of mine. And then my reframe is I’m learning to step away and ask for space when I feel overstimulated, so I can pause.

And I’m learning to ask for help when I need it. So you can see how how you might fill this out using that example.

Okay, so let’s get into our first section for today, which is that review. So it’ll be a brief overview. And again if you’re interested to remind yourself or even like I said earlier, if you haven’t watched the entire video of the previous presentation, I would recommend going back there so that you can get all of the information. So we’re going to do a brief review of what is ADHD.

So there’s a couple of really important main pieces of this that I really want to highlight for today that will help make sense of the remainder and the other parts of the presentation today. So the biggest thing to take away is that the ADHD brain is wired differently from the brain of somebody who does not have ADHD. So that’s the first really important thing that I want you to remember.

So I’m going to go through the couple of different ways that we understand how the ADHD brain is different, and how it sort of leads us to some of these differences that we see or the symptoms that we see in ADHD. So the first really important one, if you remember from the previous presentation, is that the default mode network in the brain for someone with ADHD never turns off.

So to remind you what that means is the default mode network is that process in the brain that runs in the background all sort of all the time, but can turn off for people without ADHD when there’s an activity that they that they need to do. So essentially the default mode network is that part of our brain that daydreams that when we don’t really have anything to do, might be thinking about an interaction we had the day before, or maybe an upcoming trip, or thinking about what we might want to make for dinner.

Anything. Any of those thoughts that just sort of are there when we don’t have something specific that we’re doing. So for the person without ADHD, that process is going to turn off when they start doing some kind of activity. So, for example, if they start cooking, that default mode network is going to turn off so that they can actually focus on following a recipe or getting the food made.

What happens for people with ADHD is that default mode network stays on. So while that person is trying to cook or follow a recipe, they’re also daydreaming. They’re also making connections from one thought to the next. They’re thinking about that trip that they’re going to take in a couple of weeks. They’re thinking about that interaction. They had a couple of days ago.

So all of that stuff is happening in the brain at once. So you can see why that might actually lead the person with ADHD to be overwhelmed or to have a hard time kind of finishing the task or following through. So that’s one of those really important pieces to remember as we’re reviewing. What is ADHD is that in the ADHD brain, the default mode network is always on.

It never turns off. Another really important thing to remember about ADHD is that it comes with or causes this interest based nervous system. So what that means, essentially, in short, is that the person with ADHD is really going to only become motivated or activated to get something done when the thing that they’re being asked to do is interesting to them.

So it can be interesting, new, urgent. So anything that kind of, you know, seems like it needs to happen right now or is really engaging for them. Otherwise, it’s really, really difficult for a person with ADHD to actually get something done. And so they’re really driven by interest. And so we need to make things really interesting and engaging for the person with ADHD if we want them to actually get something done, and that it’s not laziness that that causes them to not want to do something, it’s actually that their nervous system needs this interest in order to turn on and and activate.

And another thing that is kind of central or characteristic to ADHD is that it comes with emotion regulation difficulties. What that means is that people with ADHD tend to feel big emotions, or their emotions feel quite intense, or can happen very intensely, and then there’s a lot of difficulty that they have in managing or regulating their emotions. So one of the things that we actually understand more and more now about ADHD is that it’s not just a difficulty paying attention, but it’s actually a difficulty with regulating different things, or it’s difficulty regulating attention, it’s difficulty regulating emotions.

And so at difficulty kind of regulating our nervous system. But that emotion regulation challenges are a huge part of ADHD. And then the last thing that I want to review is what’s called rejection sensitivity dysphoria. So what this is, is that for people with ADHD, if they feel that somebody is rejecting them, or they imagine that this person or perceive this person to be rejecting them, that feels real, they it feels really intense for them.

They feel that really strongly and there’s this sensitivity that people with ADHD have to either being rejected or perceiving or believing that they’re being rejected. And so this can show up as almost physical feelings of kind of shame or embarrassment or fear or the worry that they’re going to be rejected. So there’s a lot of sensitivity around not being liked, not being included in things.

So these differences in the ADHD brain, the ones that I just mentioned to you, lead to a number of different challenges or symptoms that are characteristic of ADHD. The majority of those symptoms are what we call executive functioning difficulties. So like what that means is basically the challenges in carrying out tasks, specifically planning, organizing time management, and keeping things in our short term or working memory.

So keeping things like at the forefront of our brain. So what this is, in other words, it’s the executive functioning difficulties is difficulty with the functions of executing tasks or carrying out tasks. So if you take a look at the slide here, you can see there’s all different words. And these are all of those different challenges and symptoms that come along with ADHD.

So you can see here there’s emotional dysregulation. There’s disorganization hyperactivity impulsivity time management difficulties chronic lateness something that we call time blindness that I’ll talk about a little bit more later. But it’s essentially this difficulty kind of understanding time and recognizing how long things take or this, this sense of if it doesn’t need to happen right now, then it doesn’t need to happen.

And then when it does, it’s sort of very last minute and all of a sudden like, oh, I need to get this thing done right now. And then procrastination is another kind of sign. And symptom of ADHD. So a lot of the words that you see here are all of those different ways that ADHD can show up for a person.

So that’s a really brief review. And like I’ve mentioned a couple of times, if you want to do a bit more of a review, I really recommend that you go back to that part one intro to ADHD presentation that’s already up on the website. So next we are going to talk about the challenges of being a parent with ADHD.

So as I go through the next series of slides, I want you just to listen and pay attention to it, but understand that your ADHD might not present in all of the different ways that I talk about, but there will be some, if not most of these different challenges that that do show up for you, that do exist for you.

So it isn’t necessarily that you have to experience all of these different challenges, but I’m really giving you an overview of all of the possible ways that a person with ADHD who’s also a parent, can find the ADHD to be a challenge for them. So listen and pay attention. But you may not experience all of these different challenges.

So I’m going to play you a video now that is by a board certified psychiatrist. And then ADHD clinical specialist. Her name is Doctor Sasha Hamdani, and she has an Instagram and a TikTok with lots of different kinds of videos that are really helpful, really informative about ADHD. And at the end of the presentation, I will give you the link to her Instagram and other ways that you can follow her or get some more information from her.

So I just wanted to to let you know who she is before I play the video today. And then I’ll give you that information at all the way at the end of the presentation. So I it’s a pretty brief video and it moves pretty quickly. But if you can try to pay attention to. So she’ll present sort of two sides of what it is to be an ADHD parent.

And so just pay attention to the different things that that show up. And then I’ll give you a little bit of a debrief after we watched the video.

a leave and go.

Okay. So like I said, it’s a pretty brief video. But really the takeaway that I, that I want you to have from watching this is that being an ADHD parent can really feel like you’re a walking contradiction. So this happens for me a lot. I need a lot of structure and routine, but then at a certain point, I just want to break free from that, and I, I don’t I get frustrated or feel constrained by that, or somebody else might need that structure and routine, but then can’t keep that consistent routine and structure for more than a couple weeks at a time because they crave newness and they want something different and exciting.

So there’s all these ways that parents with ADHD kind of want to be able to keep things consistent and structured. And then also their ADHD kind of makes that really difficult. So that’s really what I want to highlight from this video, is that ADHD, being a parent with ADHD can feel like you’re kind of this walking contradiction, and it’s hard to balance all of these different needs and interests that you have.

So let’s talk about some of the specific challenges now that show up for parents with ADHD. So if you see here on this slide there’s a couple of different images and sort of statements or phrases that are really sort of these society society’s messages that are like always and sort of continually telling parents, especially parents with ADHD, that they’re not good enough, that they need to try harder, that they need to just be consistent.

Right. So this is one of these messages that we hear a lot in general is you can see on the slide here consistency is key right. Consistency is the building block of trust. So what we take away from that is if you’re inconsistent or if you have a difficult time being consistent, then people are going to be less willing or less able to trust you.

What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while. So again, this message is be consistent. It’s important to be consistent. And the last piece here says there’s no substitute for consistency. Again, be consistent. Have a routine. These structured all of these things are true. But they’re also things that are very difficult for the parent with ADHD because they genuinely struggle with being consistent.

They have difficulty. You would probably experience this having difficulty setting a limit or a boundary with your kids and then sticking to it. Sometimes parents with ADHD forget that they set the boundary. Sometimes their attention kind of pulls them away after they’ve set the boundary or their emotions kind of take over in the moment, and then they’re unable to enforce that boundary that they’ve set.

And then sometimes what happens for the ADHD parent is that the boundary that they set maybe last week no longer seems that urgent or even interesting to them. So then they’ll kind of abandon that altogether and they won’t be enforcing that. And then, as you can probably imagine, it can be confusing for kids if when one week there’s one boundary in the next week it’s it’s not there.

So what I really want to highlight is that this is not a parenting failure. As much as these messages on this screen might suggest that it’s not a parenting failure, because it’s a real challenge for for parents with ADHD, and it’s a real challenge that comes from having ADHD. So the ADHD brain struggles with routine and repetition, and it’s not because you as a parent don’t care.

But because sustaining that consistency requires those executive functioning skills that ADHD makes much harder to use and access. So you as a parent may really value very deeply having stability and consistency in your home or within your family, but then feel really frustrated when you actually can’t deliver on that stability and consistency day after day. So again, this is not a moral failing.

It’s not you being a bad parent. It’s really a neurological reality because of your ADHD. So consistency is really hard when your brain thrives on novelty. So I’m going to mention later we’ll talk later in the presentation about different self-care strategies and different strategies that you can use to help with your ADHD as a parent. But as I go through this section today in this part of the presentation, I’m also just going to mention some of these things so that I’m not only presenting the challenges, but I’m also at the same time giving you a little bit of support.

Before we talk about that in more detail. So in terms of consistency, some things that might be really helpful with this is making sure that you are taking care of yourself. So the more that you take care of yourself, the better you’re going to be able to keep some kind of consistency. So these could be things like making sure you’re sleeping regularly and getting enough sleep, making sure you’re eating consistently throughout the day, drinking enough water and staying hydrated.

Taking medication if you are prescribed medication, making sure that you’re doing that consistently, consistently, it’s not going to fix your difficulty with consistency. But all of those things can help to make this just a little bit less challenging.

Okay. Our next challenge you can see on this slide that they did not plan ahead, and they didn’t leave enough space to actually finish spelling out the word on the billboard here. So planning ahead is another thing that parents with ADHD might find quite challenging. So planning ahead can feel overwhelming, especially when, like I said earlier, there’s this time blindness.

When time is experienced as either now or not now, you can imagine it’s hard to kind of plan ahead if I’m not seeing why something needs to happen now because it’s not something that, you know that that is required for the next two weeks, for example. So if there’s something that my child needs to do at school, but it’s not for three weeks from now, a parent with ADHD is not going to feel that is urgent.

So why would I need to plan ahead? Right. So that can make this really challenging. So planning ahead is really hard when time is either now or not now. So for example, this can make something like packing lunches, registering your kids for activities or even yourself for different activities. Maybe preparing for the next day’s chaos to feel like a really distant thing that doesn’t need to happen right away, and then all of a sudden it’s urgent because it’s the next day and you didn’t plan ahead.

So this isn’t laziness. It’s not you being a lazy parent. It’s that time blindness that we’ve been talking about, which is a core ADHD experience if it doesn’t need to happen right now. Essentially, I’m kind of blind to it being something that requires any of my attention. So this is something that happens for me actually quite a lot with especially packing lunches.

It’s almost as if every morning it’s a completely new day. And there are some mornings where I wake up and have to remind myself, oh yeah, my daughter needs lunch for school today, even though I do it every single day. So, you know, I’m not necessarily planning ahead. I’m doing it in the moment. And sometimes that means the morning is a little bit more chaotic than ideally.

I would like it to be. Some things that can help with the planning ahead are maybe having a family planner like a big calendar that you use and you put some of these things on the calendar in advance. You can actually visually see the things that need to happen, and it might make it easier to plan ahead. Asking for help is extremely important.

Letting somebody else know maybe it’s your partner or spouse, or a family friend or family member letting them know I need a little bit of help with this. And then something else that can help with planning ahead is what we call brain dumping, which I did talk about in the previous what is ADHD presentation? The intro presentation, where it’s basically getting all the ideas that you have in your head, out of your head in some kind of visual format, writing it down, typing it into your phone so that you can actually see all the things that you’re thinking and need to get done.

So those are some quick tips that can help with planning ahead. And again, we’ll talk about those in more detail later on.

So if you take a look at this picture, this is our next challenge of being a parent with ADHD. Some of you may have a room or a house that looks like this. Or maybe your kids have a rumor house like this. If your kids have ADHD, this can be really overwhelming, right? To live. To live like this, with this disorganization.

Because being organized is hard when your brain struggles to prioritize information, when you’re when you’re struggling with those executive functioning skills, staying organized can be really difficult, and it can lead things to pile up. And your bedroom or your house might end up looking a lot like this room here. Or at least, you know, somewhat like this room.

So keeping track of backpacks, snacks, maybe permission slips that come home from school, doctor’s appointments. All of that takes consistent mental juggling. And as we’ve talked about, ADHD affects working memory and being able to prioritize what needs to happen first, second, third, or you know, where things need to go. So this means that even simple organizing tasks can feel like maybe trying to put a puzzle together when the pieces keep moving, or somebody keeps taking the pieces away from you.

If you’re an ADHD parent, you’re not disorganized on purpose, and you know this. You’re not trying to be disorganized. You’re not trying to leave things all over the place. Your brain just works differently. And it’s actually something that requires a lot of effort and work for you. It’s not something that comes easily. So I do want to highlight, too, that organizational challenges aren’t specific just to cleanliness or chores and housework.

This can show up for parents with ADHD as maybe struggling to organize school lunches and remembering to get the groceries, to have the food, to make school lunches. It can show up as remembering different activities that your kids have. It can show up in following a recipe while you’re trying to cook. If your brain is disorganized, you might jump from one step to the next, and it’s hard to follow it in the order that it’s laid out in front of you.

This could show up as meal planning that it’s difficult to organize, which meals you’re going to make on which days, and making sure you have all the food that you need to make those meals. So this can be a little bit more challenging, or maybe a lot more challenging for a parent with ADHD. Some of the things that can help with organization are having some to do lists, and we’ll talk a little bit later in the presentation about how to do that in a more ADHD friendly way.

And again, that’s something that that was talked about quite a bit, or that I talked about quite a bit in the previous intro to ADHD presentation. Having a family planner, like I mentioned a few minutes ago, that can help with being organized and making things visible so you don’t forget them. So that can be something helpful. So maybe it’s having labels on different organized boxes that you use to organize things.

And so it’s easier to figure out visually where things go because the label is right there, or pinning things up on a board so that you see exactly where things need to go. At my house, we have a whiteboard in the kitchen and we can put out. We can write down the different days of the week, and then visually we can see what what meal we plan to make on which day.

So making things visible so you don’t forget them. These are things that can be helpful to stay organized.

Okay. The next challenge is that emotion regulation difficulty that I talked about earlier that can show up for parents with ADHD. So ADHD makes emotional responses more intense and harder to regulate as I mentioned before. So that means that as a parent with ADHD, you might go from 0 to 60 in seconds, where everything seems kind of under control.

Maybe you’re feeling a little bit annoyed because your kids are making a little more noise than than you want, and then all of a sudden something kind of that feeling overwhelms you, and you find yourself yelling, and you don’t know how you ended up in that in that place, and you’re yelling at your kids and sometimes that can then lead to feeling really embarrassed, really shameful, maybe even guilty.

And so you went from feeling or thinking that you were kind of relatively calm to all of a sudden feeling really frustrated and angry. And like I said, maybe later you feel a lot of guilt or even confusion about your reactions. Why did that happen? I don’t know how I got so angry so quickly. Again, this is not because you’re a bad parent.

It’s not because you’re, you know, you’re a bad person and you’re not able to, you know, you just can’t control yourself. It is actually because emotion regulation is part of how ADHD impacts your nervous system. It’s a real challenge that comes along with being a person and a parent with ADHD. Again, it’s not because you’re not trying hard enough or that you’re not a good enough parent.

Some things that can help with this are those things that I mentioned earlier about self-care, making sure that you’re sleeping enough, that you’re eating enough, that you’re eating regularly, that you’re sticking to a routine as much as possible. Also, you know, like we said before, sometimes that can be challenging and then working on some emotion regulation skills. And I’m going to talk about that later in the presentation today about what that actually means and mindfulness as well, which we’ll talk about again later.

But being mindful and thoughtful about how am I feeling? What’s happening in this moment? Is there something that I need so that I can manage my emotions, or take a little bit of space so that I can calm down? So really being thoughtful and mindful about how I’m feeling. But the challenge that I want you to remember here is that managing your emotions is hard.

When your feelings are big. And so this can show up in ways that is really, you know, challenging and difficult sometimes as a parent.

The next challenge that we’re going to talk about is emotional availability. So I know that you love your kids deeply if you’re a parent. We all love our kids deeply. But when your own sensory or emotional bandwidth is kind of maxed out and at full capacity, being present emotionally, being grounded and being available for your kids can feel almost nearly impossible.

If you are overwhelmed and you’re needing some time and space, being available for your kids can be really, really difficult. So ADHD often creates this internal chaos. And when your inner world is really noisy, it’s really hard to tune in to others, especially as a parent. To tuning into your kids sometimes can be really hard when your own ADHD is creating a lot of chaos for you.

This doesn’t mean if this happens, this doesn’t mean that you’re a cold or distant parent. It means that you’re a human, that you’re a parent with ADHD and that you’re overloaded. So being available as a parent is, as with ADHD, is hard when your brain is overloaded. Some things that might be helpful with this is and we’ll talk about this again later in the presentation.

But scheduling time to be with your kids. So it’s actually preset that there’s a specific time and day that you’re going to spend with your kids, so that when you actually are feeling overwhelmed and you need to take that space, you feel more able to do that because you know that you’ve got this other time schedule to be with them, and they also know that they will have you when you’re at your best because you schedule this time together.

And so they’re not going to be as overwhelmed and frustrated when you’re not available for them. And again, self-care is extremely important to being able to manage some of that inner chaos and noise that can come along with ADHD. And so the more you’re taking care of yourself, the the more you’re able to manage this, and the more available you will be.

You’ll be able to be for your kids.

Something else that’s challenging as a parent with ADHD is communication. So you can see in this image here there’s these strings and strands for C that are a little windy and twisted. And then on the other the left side of the image you can see it’s all of these interconnections. And this is how communication can feel for people with ADHD, especially for adults and parents with ADHD, that it it can impact how you express yourself.

So one of the things that we that we know and what we find, and then I’m sure you experience as a parent with ADHD is that you start one thought and then midway through that thought connects to another one, connects to another one. And maybe you actually forget your point in what you’re saying kind of midway through your sentence.

Or maybe you end up blurting something out without thinking because all of these thoughts are kind of connected for you. So communicating can actually be a challenge communicating exactly what you mean. So saying what you mean is hard when all of your thoughts are connected or interconnected. So again, you might interrupt. You might speak too quickly. You might say something maybe more harshly than you intended, because it’s hard to kind of process all of the thoughts you’re having at once.

And then later maybe you reflect and wish that you’d done it differently. So that awareness and that, self-reflection is really important. And it’s also important to remember that as a parent with ADHD, there are other parents with ADHD who experience this too. So you’re not alone with this. Some of the things that might help with this is, again, self-care.

Taking care of yourself, managing that overstimulation that can be part of ADHD, making sure that you’re trying to keep as regular an eating and sleeping schedule as possible, and working on this emotion regulation skills that, again, we’ll talk about in more detail later. But the communication is a piece that can be really challenging, especially when you’re trying to communicate boundaries to your kids, or you’re trying to ask them to get certain things done or get themselves organized.

If you’re struggling to get out what you want to say, then it can create a little bit more chaos in the home. So this can be a real challenge.

Okay, the next challenge that we’re going to talk about is actually keeping children safe. Sometimes that can be kind of challenging with ADHD, mostly because of the impulsivity that is part of ADHD. So as you can see on the slide here, I’m impulsive. I get so excited I can’t contain it. And so you’ve probably experienced this where maybe you get so into something or so excited about something that your impulsivity kind of takes over.

And this can be a challenge as a parent with ADHD, because you’re responsible for your kids and you’re responsible for keeping them safe and taking care of them. And so sometimes having that part of you that’s kind of impulsive can make parenting almost feel dangerous. But not because you are a reckless person, not because you are trying to be an unsafe parent, but because maybe your reaction time or those emotional surges that come along with the emotion regulation difficulties, maybe even your forgetfulness sometimes can kind of collide with your child’s need for safety and structure.

So an example personal example of this for me is when I was going for a bike ride with my daughter before she was able to use a bike without training wheels, she was maybe four, 3 or 4 years old and we were biking down a hill that to me at the time looked like kind of a minor hill.

It didn’t look that steep and we were biking up to it. And I did have this thought of we should probably get off the bikes and walk down. She’s pretty little and I think she knows how to use the brakes, but I’m not 100% sure. And for some reason my brain just sort of said, yeah, it’s fine. We’ll be able to do it, she’ll figure it out or it’s going to be fine.

And I remember in that moment thinking, I’m, I probably should take this step and just pause. But yeah, it’s fine. And as we started biking down the hill, I could see her bike picking up speed. And then of course, the bike picked up too much speed. She couldn’t control it and she flew off her bike. She was fine.

There was not too much, though. She wasn’t really injured, maybe a few scrapes, but she was scared and I remember feeling really confused why I didn’t just stop and I felt really embarrassed and so felt a lot of shame about this. And this is one of those things where that impulsivity or that kind of, you know, not being able to plan ahead kind of took over in that moment.

And I thought it would be fine. So luckily nothing happened. And, you know, everywhere everybody was fine. But this is one of those ways that sometimes that impulsivity can kind of take over. So we really need to make sure as parents with ADHD that we are pausing and slowing down and checking in so that that impulsivity doesn’t take over.

So we can work through this and overcome this. We are not by default dangerous parents. We just have to take that extra step to reflect. So this, as I was saying before, it can bring up some shame. But I think recognizing that and understanding this part of you is really a strength. And so if we can learn to understand this about ourselves, we can actually become even better parents, because we might become more thoughtful and more careful about how we take care of our kids.

And that’s really the first step in creating systems in your home with your kids that will help you and your kids feel safer. The flip side of this is that actually, many adults with ADHD also say that they’re actually great in a crisis. And this is actually true in this. This is because in those really urgent situations, that’s where that interest based nervous system kind of kicks in.

And people with ADHD can actually think even more clearly. So in those big crisis situations, you might actually find that you’re even more alert and more on top of it. And more in charge. And so this isn’t something that you need to, you know, overly worry about that you’re going to be this unsafe parent, because when it really comes down to it, in those really urgent, more crisis situations, you will be able to act, your nervous system will actually kick into high gear, and you might be able to be more focused than anyone else in in the room or in the the place that you’re in.

So again, some things that can help with managing the impulsivity is emotion. Regulation is making sure that you’re taking good care of yourself. And being thoughtful and mindful about what you are doing. So again, keeping everyone safe can be hard when your brain seeks excitement and there are ways that we can work on this and improve on this.

So the next challenge is that overstimulation and that sensory dysregulation. So we’ve talked about emotion dysregulation. But there’s also some sensory overwhelm and overstimulation that can come along with ADHD. So what happens is that everything can feel like too much when you are overstimulated. And in general, as you know, because you’re a parent, parenting can be noisy, can be messy, and it can be physically demanding.

And so if you have these sensory sensitivities that come along with ADHD, as many people with ADHD do, even those normal kid sounds, you know, playing with siblings, playing with toys, them wanting to hug you or touch you or be close to you, or just the regular kind of chaos that comes with families, with lots of kids, or families with any kids can send your ADHD nervous system into overload.

If this happens for you, you’re not overreacting. You’re having a real sensory response and naming that, noticing that that’s what’s happening for you is actually a really powerful act of self-compassion. Again, some things that can help with this are that self-care, practicing emotion regulation skills, asking for help so you can let people know that you’re feeling overstimulated, and maybe if they can step in and help you out, and communicating your need for some quiet and some space.

And again, we’ll talk about all of these in more detail later on in the presentation. So let’s review all of the different challenges that we just talked about. Again, here are some things that will happen. If you’re a parent with ADHD. It doesn’t mean they happen all the time, but it is important to remember that if you have ADHD, your brain will often feel like it’s working against you as you’re trying to be the best parent that you can be, so you will struggle with consistency.

You will probably, at different points, have difficulty when you try to plan ahead, and then you might get distracted and maybe overwhelmed and not follow through. Most likely you will spend a lot of time and energy trying to get organized, cleaning your house, or thinking about cleaning it, and trying to remember who needs to do what on what day and at what time.

You will probably lose your temper if you haven’t already as a parent, and there will be times where you feel guilty about that. You’re going to be wondering what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I stay calm like other parents seem to? So that will that will likely happen if it hasn’t happened already, which I would be surprised if it happened.

Sometimes you’ll be really present with your kids, and other times you’ll be really distracted or maybe impatient. So being present and available exactly when you need and when your kids need might be a challenge. You will feel frustrated sometimes that no one in your household listen to what you said or understood what you asked them to do, because maybe you struggle to express yourself clearly and concisely to them.

Your own energy level and motivation to do things will change from day to day. As a parent with ADHD, and sometimes you actually won’t know why, or you won’t be able to kind of predict or expect when your energy level is going to be one way or the other. And so managing your own kind of excitement and interest and impulsivity is is going to be a challenge for you.

And you will at times feel this rising frustration and anger that makes you want to scream. Or maybe sometimes you’ll feel like you need to just go hide under a blanket and be in a quiet, dark space because everything just feels like too much. So you’ll experience that overstimulation and sensory dysregulation. So what I really want to highlight is that parenting with ADHD doesn’t mean you’re broken.

It means you’re navigating a really complex role of being a parent with a unique brain. So these challenges that we’ve just reviewed are real. And naming them, noticing them in you is the beginning of finding those tools. And support and grace that you can have for yourself. And again, you’re not alone. There’s a lot of parents who have ADHD and you’re not failing if you experience these challenges.

You’re parenting with courage, with creativity, and with heart as you’re trying to navigate these challenges. You’re doing all of that, even on those hard days. So it is important to give yourself some compassion as you experience these challenges with ADHD.

Okay. So if you go to the second page in your activity handout, you’ll see a what looks like this the ADHD parenting bingo. And so this is the next activity. So again if you need to pause the video here and take some time on your own to do this, I really encourage you to do that. And again, if you’re watching this with the group, I would encourage you to do the the filling this out on your own and then maybe having a bit of a discussion with the other members of the group for watching this with you.

So the instructions for this activity are to take a moment and mark with an X, maybe with a pen or a marker. You can use different colors if you want. If you have a coin or another object, you can use that anything small. So we’re doing bingo here. So whatever you might use as kind of a bingo chip or, you know, to mark off something on a bingo card.

So you’re going to take that moment and mark these things. Any of the items that you have experienced said or done in the last week. So think about the last week and go to this card and then mark off any of the ones that are true for you within the last seven days. So I really want to encourage you to have fun with this.

It’s supposed to bring a little bit of lightness and a little bit of humor to all of the things that we just talked about. So again, if you’re doing this with a group, allow yourself to have some fun with it and laugh about it, because it is important that we have some humor about some of these these challenges.

And the point is, if you can get a full bingo card. So we’re going to do the full bingo. If you can get a line that’s great. You know, any which way diagonal across down anything that you want. But see if you can get the whole card and then what that might mean or how you even might feel about that when when you’re done.

So again, pause the video here and you can take a few moments to do that activity.

Okay. So after reviewing these challenges and then filling out this bingo card, maybe discussing it with someone else, even if you brought a little bit of lightness and humor to that, you still might be asking yourself, or maybe you ask yourself often, are parents with ADHD bad parents? Am I a bad parent because of my ADHD? So what I really want to highlight here is absolutely not ADHD.

Having ADHD doesn’t automatically make you a bad parent or doesn’t make you bad at parenting, but it does mean that you will have to start seeing yourself differently and working with the unique brain that you have and the unique strengths that you have. So we’ll talk about those strengths in a minute. But first, let’s take a look at a short video to just think a little bit more deeply about this.

So I want you to to watch the video on that. I’m going to show you in a moment and just pay attention to the mom in the video and see what you what you think. Do you think she’s a bad mom? Are there ways, actually, that maybe she’s a great mom? And so hopefully we can start to see a little bit of balance with this, that being an ADHD parent doesn’t automatically make you a bad parent.

Okay?

Okay, so maybe this is relatable. Maybe you can see yourself in this. Mom, I know I certainly can, and my daughter would certainly say that that’s probably a lot of what the mornings look like or sound like at our house sometimes. But I want you to ask yourself this question is this mom a bad parent? Of course not.

Right. Was she disorganized? Yes. Might she have created some chaos and confusion for her children in the morning? She’s asking so many different questions back to back, probably. And is this ideal? Probably not. But the flip side, and hopefully you were able to pick up on this. She also showed her kids that she’s really aware of all of the things going on for them and the things that they need to do to get ready.

So yes, it’s happening quickly and she’s, you know, going back to back to back with these things that she’s saying. But what she’s saying is very tuned in to her kids, right? She’s recognizing, oh, you didn’t tell me about this parent teacher conference. Oh, you know, oh, it’s 745. We’ve got to get ready. She’s very involved in parenting and thinking about what her kids need.

It just maybe is a little bit more chaotic than we would ideally want things to be. But I do think that she communicated through her words, through her action actions, that she really does care about her kids. She woke up early. She’s making them. She made them breakfast. She’s packing their bags for them. She’s asking them questions, engaging with them directly.

So there’s so many ways to be a good parent. It’s not just only being consistent, setting consistent boundaries. You know, being really engaged and connected with our kids is really important. So next we’re going to review some of those strengths of being an ADHD parent.

So the next section that we’re going to talk about are the next piece that we’re going to talk about is the strengths of ADHD parents.

And this would be a good time to take a break. If you need a bit of a break you can pause the video, do whatever you need, take the time that you need, and then whenever you’re ready, you can come back to the presentation and continue as we talk about the strengths of ADHD parents.

Okay. So welcome back to the presentation. I hope that you were able to take a little bit of a break and, take care of yourself, do what you need. And so now we will resume and talk about the strengths of ADHD parents. So if you turn to page three of your activity handout, you’ll see the activity called Flip the script.

So what I’m going to ask you to do for this activity is to fill out the, the the sheet here. And to what we’re going to do is try to take some of those challenges that we that we’ve talked about, that we referred to previously, and see if we can find a way to flip the script and see how those challenges might actually be some strengths, or how we can kind of turn those challenges into a strength of being an ADHD parent.

So while being a parent with ADHD can be challenging, like we’ve mentioned before, ADHD itself does not make you a bad parent. So that’s where we’re going to flip the script and we’re going to look at how those ADHD symptoms and challenges sometimes actually maybe help you to be an even better parent or the best parent that you can be.

So I want you to take a few minutes. And again, if you need to pause the video to do this activity, I really encourage you to do that. And you can do this individually. Or if you’re watching this in a group again you can do this. Fill out the the sheet and then have a discussion about it together and see if you can figure out how each of the the following challenges are the ones I’ll put up on the slide in a second.

There also in your handout may actually be a strength in disguise. So let’s take a look at those. So you can see here I’ve put up a couple of those challenges that we’ve talked about. And again they’re on your handout. So there’s that impulsivity inconsistency disorganization emotional regulation difficulties or emotional sensitivities and communication challenges. Attention difficulties. So take a few moments.

And maybe it’s this can be challenging. So maybe just pick 1 or 2 and see if you can find some way that this challenge actually could be a strength or actually could be understood as something that can maybe bring something positive to the way that you parent. So to give you I’ll give you an example to help you out with this.

Because this this can be challenging. So I want you to wrestle with it a little bit. But I’ll help you out too to get started. So the what if we take impulsivity? We’ve talked before about how that might lead to maybe making some choices that are not always the safest or the best. But being impulsive also comes with or is also part of being spontaneous and maybe being up for an adventure without, you know, having to plan too much.

And that spontaneity and that adventurous kind of spirit can actually be really great as a parent, right? Kids are going to love that. If you wake up and impulsively, you’re like, you know what? We’re going to go do this fun thing today that’s really fun for kids. That’s really exciting for kids. So yes, there’s this, you know, downside or this challenge that comes with impulsivity, but there’s also that spontaneity.

And, interest or excitement about things that that can come with it too. So you can see there’s kind of two sides to that coin. So I’m going to encourage you to try to find a few, take 1 or 2 and start there and see if you can flip the script on these challenges. So you can pause the video here and take a few moments to do that.

Okay. So let’s come back now that you’ve had a chance to start reframing this and flipping that script for yourself, we’re going to move into talking about some specific ways that ADHD can actually be a strength for for you as a parent with with ADHD. So hyperfocus, which was mentioned in the intro to ADHD presentation, is a really kind of central thing that happens with ADHD.

So regulating attention is a challenge with ADHD. So sometimes that means difficulty paying attention. Sometimes that means hyper focusing. So really intensely focusing on something. And so with those attention difficulties comes actually an ability to hyper focus. And that’s kind of the gift of fully being there and being president, being present. So when something really captures your attention, maybe it’s your child’s special interest, maybe it’s even a bedtime ritual because it’s just really something that you love and that you’re really engaged with.

Maybe it’s a specific creative project that you have. You’re going to be able to bring a lot of presence, passion and depth to that, and your kids are going to feel that they know when you’re fully with them, they’re going to feel that, and that’s really fun for them. So a personal example that I can share with you is actually, as you know, at the time that we’re filming this, it’s coming up close to Halloween.

And one of the things I don’t do a lot of creative projects, but the one that I do every year is making my daughter’s Halloween costumes, and it’s become this thing with her that every year she kind of gives me a new challenge of what she wants to be for Halloween. And then I have to figure out how to make this, and I get really into it when I start working on it, and I can just hyper focus and spend hours making this.

And she loves it because she gets to watch that process happen, and she gets this end result of all of this hyper focus that I put into it. And she gets to go to school and walk around the neighborhood wearing this costume that she feels really proud of. And so that’s one of these ways that my hyper focus actually becomes something that is really beneficial and fun for my daughter.

To experience. And so that that can be a real strength.

With big feelings comes those emotion regulation challenges we talked about before. But it also comes with empathy. And that’s the ability to really get and understand what your kids feel. So living with ADHD gives you kind of a deep well of empathy, a lot of empathy as someone with as a parent with ADHD and especially for your own kids if they have ADHD.

Also, you’re going to have a lot of empathy for them and how they struggle. You’re going to have a lot of understanding for how they feel different and how they don’t fit the mold. Because you’ve experienced those things yourself, you might even see yourself in your child’s meltdowns, and so you might be able to understand that a little bit better than if you didn’t have ADHD.

You’ll understand their messiness. You’ll understand their big feelings because you’ve experienced it yourself, and you have this emotional capacity to empathize with them. And that connection can help you respond to them with more compassion, even when it’s really hard. Essentially, with these big feelings, you’re more likely to be able to get them and to understand them, and that’s going to matter to them.

A lot more than you being the perfect parent. So you can see on this slide these this is a bit of an older picture. It’s from several years ago. But this is me and my daughter. We were just making some of these funny selfies with some filters sitting at a restaurant. And so really what I want to highlight with this is firstly, these are kind of silly and fun.

But playfulness is another strength that you bring to parenting with ADHD. So ADHD, as I mentioned a few minutes ago, often comes with spontaneous like sort of a spontaneous energetic spirit that’s connected to some of that impulsivity and maybe even the hyperactivity that comes with ADHD. So that’s the kind of thing that maybe makes things happen, like dance parties in the kitchen spontaneously, or like this taking some spontaneous, silly selfies at a restaurant while you’re waiting for the bill to come.

So with that impulsivity comes the ability to be playful with it comes with playfulness and the joy of being in the moment. So some days, as an ADHD parent, you might feel really overwhelmed, but your sense of play that will come out at some time, at some point keeps things light when your kids need it most, and they’ll feel that they’ll find that joy that you have that comes out sometimes as contagious.

And that’s a real gift for them. Your ability to just tap into this playfulness and this spontaneity is really great for them to see and experience, and they’re going to want to be with you in that moment. And with that experience.

Parents with ADHD, because of the challenges that they’ve experienced throughout their life, build a lot of resilience. And so resilience is another real strength that you bring to your parenting with ADHD. So while ADHD can bring a lot of daily frustrations, it also builds what we call grit and the ability to kind of get through hard things. So you for sure through your experience being a person with ADHD and a parent with ADHD, you’ve learned to recover from different kinds of setbacks.

You’ve learned and figured out how to be creative when things fall apart, or when things are more challenging and you keep showing up with love, even though there’s these challenges. And so that resilience teaches your kids, kids that mistakes aren’t the end of the world. It’s just part of the process because they see you, they they see you maybe getting frustrated, but then figuring out how to get through that situation and then seeing that is a lesson and something that they’ll take with them throughout their own lives.

So those daily challenges that you experience also build resilience and that that your kids see teaches them that it’s okay to make mistakes, that they can make mistakes, they can recover from it, and they can also be resilient and bounce back from challenges. And that’s a real gift that you that you’re giving to your kids. A lot of parents with ADHD end up becoming really powerful advocates, especially for their own kids, and especially if their own kids have ADHD.

As well, which is the case probably for most of you, that not only do you have ADHD, but somebody else in your family does too. And so many, like I said, many ADHD parents become advocates for their kids. Not just because they have to, but because they know. Because you know what it’s like to feel dismissed, maybe overlooked, or maybe misunderstood by the school system or people in your lives.

And so always feeling different, which comes along with having ADHD, can lead you to advocacy, to standing up for your kids, to fighting for things that they need, asking for things that they need. Speaking up at meetings with teachers for example, you probably put a lot of energy into figuring out how do I make this system work?

What what are the things that I need to do? What are the ways I might need to change how I’m approaching things with my kids so that it works better for them? Maybe you question things a bit more because your kids don’t fit into the norm, and so you’re having to find kind of creative solutions for them. So all of that is this advocacy that you that you’re doing for your kids.

And you’re able to do that because your ADHD probably brings with it this ability to kind of see new ways and creative ways to do things. So all of that is helping to shape a better world, not just for your kids, but for every child who’s like them or every child who’s a little bit different. So this is a real strength that you will or you can bring to being a parent with ADHD.

So we’ve talked a lot about emotions and emotion regulation with ADHD. But really what’s important as a strength is that feeling things deeply also means lots of connection. That means closeness, loyalty, and love that you can offer and share with your kids. So you may worry about the challenges that we talked about earlier, but what your kids see is your tenderness, your loyalty, your protectiveness.

You feel things deeply. And even if your parenting doesn’t always look perfectly polished, that connection and that feel those feelings that you have towards your kids is real. And it’s absolutely enough. And your kids will feel it. They know that you’re connected and that you’re that you’re present and that you’re there, even if it’s not every every day, every moment of the day.

There are a lot of times where they do experience that, and that is enough to kind of have them experience that you’re a present, caring parent.

People with ADHD are able to often see the big picture. So you might not be able to always remember all the details, but there’s a big picture thinking that comes along with ADHD. And so what that means is that with that big picture thinking, you often can see what others can’t. And you might notice that in yourself that you’re kind of seeing an angle or a side of a situation or an argument that no one else is seeing, and that can be a real strength, and your kids are going to see that in you.

They’re going to see that you’re kind of thinking a little outside the box, so you can see something that other people don’t. And sometimes that might feel to you like you’re falling short. But the truth is that most likely you’re parenting with creativity, with love, with a deep commitment to your kids and your brain can bring challenges. But also this kind of brilliance and this ability to see the big picture.

And again, your presence. Maybe it’s imperfect, it’s real, it’s full of heart. But that’s exactly what your child needs sometimes, is someone who can kind of see the big picture and see all of the different aspects of what it is to be their parent.

So another thing is being authentic. That’s a strength that when you learn to embrace the challenges that come with ADHD, you embrace the uniqueness that comes with ADHD. You can be more authentic. And with that messiness of ADHD automatically comes authenticity. Because it’s hard to mask, it’s hard to hide. Even if you’re trying your best to not let people see the ADHD.

If it comes up, it shows up sometimes and you just can’t kind of, you know, hide that always. But that shows your kids that it’s okay to be imperfect. And so that can be, again, a nice gift for your kids. They see you struggle, they see you adapt. They see you laugh and maybe apologize and try again. And that helps them learn that love doesn’t require perfection and that it’s okay to be human.

It’s okay to be authentic and to be messy sometimes, because that helps kids feel like it’s okay for them to be messy because they will be messy, whether it’s with their rooms or just with how they’re feeling. And so being real as a parent, showing them the messiness that comes along with being an ADHD parent is something that’s really powerful.

And they get to see that you don’t have to be polished all the time. So hopefully what you’re learning from, from all of this is that ADHD does not make you a bad parent. It just makes you maybe a different parent. But I guess what else would you expect? Right? If ADHD makes you a little different than it’s going to make you a little bit of a different parent?

The most important thing, though, is that you show up fully, that you embrace the differences that you have and that you can have some humor about the challenges or maybe those quirks that you have. And your kids know that they can also show up with all of their quirks as well. And so your kids get to see you.

Not the imperfections, not the disorganization, not the chaos or the shouting. Just you, the person that they love. And believe me, that is what they see the most. Yes, they’ll see the messiness and the chaos and the challenges. But if they can also see all of this other stuff that you let them see, then that’s really what’s most important.

And so this next video that I’m going to show you really highlights that.

So you can see she loves that they have ADHD and that they understand her, but she loves everything about them. So I think this is just a nice cute video to express and show how ADHD doesn’t make you a bad parent at all. It actually makes you a parent that your kids can relate to and that they can, even if they have ADHD themselves, can kind of see themselves in.

And your kids are going to notice the things that that are positive and that are those strengths. And so it’s really important that you recognize those strengths in yourself as well.

Okay. So the next thing that we’re going to talk about are some ADHD friendly parenting strategies to help with some of those challenges and to build on some of the strengths.

So this has talked about it in a lot more detail in the intro to ADHD presentation. So again, if you want more detail about that, I encourage you to go back to that presentation, because I’m just going to give a brief overview of it today. So a to do list is a really helpful strategy that parents with ADHD can make use of, but we need to approach it a little bit differently.

We need to adapt the sort of traditional or typical to do list to work more efficiently or more effectively for the ADHD brain. So the really important piece of using a to do list is to recognize that as parents with ADHD, what what you need to do is break down the tasks into their smallest parts. So just one example of that is maybe on the to do list is to go get groceries.

But you know you can’t. It’s not going to work so well for someone with ADHD to just put go, go get groceries and then you show up, but you haven’t thought about what groceries you need, or you haven’t thought about what meals you want to make. And so for the parent with ADHD, it’s really important that you take that extra few minutes and just make those steps on the to do list.

So actually put on the to do list, make a plan for meals for the week, and then make a grocery list. And if there’s any other steps that are required, add those in too. So we really want to break down all of the items on our to do list into their smallest parts. So that we can really see all the different steps that we need to get done, and then we are less likely to be overwhelmed or to forget why we put the thing on the list and so I really encourage you to do to do lists, but to break things down into their smallest parts.

And it’s also really great to be able to check off more things on your to do list than just one. Right? So instead of just get the groceries, you get to check off 2 or 3, maybe even four things on your list. And that’s quite motivating.

So again, we talked about a planner in the previous what is ADHD presentation. So I’m just going to do a brief review, a brief overview of this. But really if you’re going to use a planner and I do encourage it that you use a big you know, you can use a big family planner, but to approach it in a way that works for you and for your ADHD brain.

So this might mean brainstorming or kind of brain dumping, all of the different tasks and activities or maybe appointments on a separate page first, and then maybe taking a few minutes to organize or even reorganize them over and over before you then go and place them in the calendar. So don’t just kind of impulsively put them in the calendar, because you might find that you have to move things around.

So do that extra step first of thinking about all of the things you need to do. Organize them in some way, and then go to put them in the planner. And so you could use a digital planner. You could use a handwritten planner if you use a digital one. I think having reminders is a really helpful thing to do.

What we do in our house is we use online Google calendar, and then my husband and I make sure that we invite each other to all of the events, even if it’s just something that’s an appointment for me. So at least he knows that that that’s happening on my end. And so there’s ways that apps and digital kind of calendars can be really useful for families where one or more member has ADHD.

So I mentioned this at a different point in when we were talking about the, the challenges of ADHD, that it’s scheduling time together is a really important thing that that we can do. So creating some time that we put on the calendar somewhere for parent child bonding. So actually make sure that you schedule this, don’t just sort of say, oh, let’s do this at another at another point, actually put it in the calendar.

So this is something that my daughter and I do it. It’s on her phone. It’s on my phone. And it kind of there’s a reminder that comes up at a certain time of the day that says, you know, spend time together. And so it’s already scheduled. We don’t have to remember it. It’s right there. And we both know that there’s that time that we can spend together.

So I would recommend either thinking about things that you can do in advance. So think in advance about the things that you might do during that time. Or maybe just have a running list of different ideas of things you could possibly do. And then once the time comes up, then you say, oh, let’s pick something on the list and we can do this.

So you can either schedule in advance, like go for a walk together, or you can have the time scheduled. And then when it comes up you can say, okay, our time is now, what do we want to do together? Maybe if you can even alternate who chooses the activity, or maybe you just kind of allow yourselves to be sort of spontaneous and see what you feel like doing in that moment.

But the really important pieces that you’re actually scheduling that time so that you know in advance that it is on the calendar and it is something that you can look forward to and, you know, know that there’s this time for you to spend together.

So using apps can be really helpful for organization. So, you know, there’s all these different things that we need to get done right. Doctor’s appointment maybe scared me. Making sure we schedule the appointment. We’ve got a dentist appointment. Pay the bills. And so what can happen is that we start to feel really overwhelmed, right? All of a sudden it’s like we’re drowning in all of these different things that we need to do.

And so we can use some some different apps on our, on our phone, maybe even programs on our computer that can help with this. So there’s lots of different ones. I’m not going to go into any specific ones because there’s so many different ones out there. So I encourage you to to research and look on the app stores and you know, some things that you can try out.

What’s important is that at least in my experience and with the clients that I work with as well, there’s a lot of organization apps that are out there that are really based on the neurotypical brain. So for people who too don’t have ADHD and they often don’t work for people with ADHD, so I would encourage you to look for ones that maybe are specifically designed for people with ADHD, or maybe trying to figure out how you can adapt those those apps or those tools in a way that work best for you.

So I will use often the reminder app on my phone. We use the calendar. As I mentioned before, maybe I’ll use the alarms as a way to kind of make sure that I’m not forgetting things. So you can kind of use those apps that already exist, but finding a way that works best for you so that you don’t feel like you’re drowning and overwhelmed in all of the different things that that you need to do.

So making use of your cell phone. If you have one, your smartphone can be a really important tool for managing day to day life. As a parent with ADHD. So another strategy that’s really helpful is just do the thing that you’re thinking about. I know it sounds really simple. It’s not always so easy to do, but just do it now.

The now is the really important part. Don’t give your brain the chance to forget the thing. Put the appointment in your calendar as you’re making it at the doctor’s office for example, or as you’re thinking about doing it. Don’t let your brain go to it’s okay. I’ll remember it because most of the time you won’t. There’s so many things as a parent with ADHD that are going to be, you know, taking up space in your brain.

So don’t assume that you’re going to remember to add the thing into your calendar. Do it right. Then, when you’re thinking of it, do the dishes. When you think about doing them, get yourself up. Do it as best you can. Try not to fall into that trap of I’ll just do it later. Medication can actually be really helpful for making sure that you’re able to kind of get the things done right now.

So we’ll talk about medication a little bit later, but that can be something helpful that makes it easier to get the thing done right away. So this was talked about again in the intro to ADHD presentation. But body doubling, which is being with someone while you complete a task. So maybe it’s, you know, having your kids help you out while you’re cleaning the house until you’re doing it a little bit together.

Or maybe they’re just kind of playing alongside you. Maybe you ask your spouse, or a friend or a family member to come over and just talk to you while you’re doing something that needs to happen at home. So having somebody there can often help somebody with ADHD to actually get something done becomes more social, or it’s just easier to kind of focus if there’s a person there with them.

So thinking about different ways that you can make sure that somebody else is kind of there with you while you’re trying to get something done that needs to happen. So using timers can be a really helpful way to keep yourself on track. You can use the stopwatch function on your phone or maybe the alerts function. So again, smartphones can be really helpful for for people and parents with ADHD.

So make use of those timers. If you need. If you notice that you’re likely to kind of run out of time with things, maybe set a timer. So I’m only going to take I’m only going allow myself this amount of time, for example, to get my kids ready in the morning or to get the lunches made so you can use timers for that.

Externalizing your thoughts is also a really helpful way of managing some ADHD symptoms, and challenges. So use post-its. Write yourself notes. Like I mentioned at an earlier point, having a whiteboard can be really helpful. We have one in the kitchen that we put a lot of information on. So really what’s important is getting having a way to get your thoughts out of your head and into some kind of visual format.

So that you can actually see right in front of you what things you need to get done, what things your kids need to get done, and therefore, it’s less likely that you’re going to forget those thoughts because you can see them right in front of you. So finding some way that that you can visually see those thoughts is going to be really helpful for you as a parent with ADHD.

So quick review. We’ve got ADHD friendly to do lists. We’ve got the ADHD friendly scheduling, spending time, scheduling time to be with your kids, using different smartphone apps for reminders, for organization, for storing information that your brain can’t hold all at once. Don’t wait. Do this. Do something right when you’re thinking about it. Body doubling. Have somebody having somebody with you while you’re trying to complete the task and using different visuals, or maybe even sounds like timers and alarms.

Maybe some posted some notes, a whiteboard so that you can manage all of the thoughts and different ideas that you have. In your head. Okay, so we’re coming to near the end of the presentation. We’re going to take a few minutes now and talk about some self-care strategies that are really important for parents with ADHD to follow.

So you can go to the last page of your activity handout, and you’ll see that the last activity is called what fills your cup. And so the point of this activity is really to give you kind of an opportunity to start filling out and looking at what is kind of my roadmap for how I can best take care of myself so that I can be the best version of myself and I can show up as a parent the way that I really want to.

So again, with this activity, you can pause and take a few minutes to to fill this out. And if you’re watching this as a group or plan to discuss this as a group, then you can have that discussion about the activity afterwards. So

take a few minutes and reflect on your day to day experiences as a parent with ADHD.

And so in the left column, I want you to write down what tends to energize, calm or ground you. So this is the stuff that fills your cup. What are those things that helps me to feel more calm, more grounded as a person, as a parent? And on the right column, I want you to write down some things that tend to deplete, overwhelm, or stress you out.

So these are the things that drain your cup. So I want you to think about what are those things that drain me? What are the things that drain my cup? And then what are those things that help fill that cup when I’m feeling drained? And again, this becomes kind of this roadmap that you can see, oh, I understand why I’m so drained.

Or I can see, here’s some things that I need to do because I need a little bit more inner energy. I need a little bit more calm around me. So you can use this and keep adding things to it as you learn more and more about yourself. It’s not a one time activity. I really encourage you to reflect on this, you know, in the coming weeks and even months and add to this as you think of new things.

So pause the video here, take a few moments to do this activity.

Okay, so let’s look at this in a in a big sort of broader context. So you’ve come up with the things that work for you. But let’s look at the things that work generally for, for all of us, but specifically that are important for parents with ADHD. So we’re talking about some basic wellness. So eating regularly this might seem really simple, but with all the things that we have to do as parents with ADHD, that might not actually happen as often as you want.

You might forget to actually eat. I know sometimes in the morning I’m I’m feeding the dog and feeding my daughter. I’m getting the lunches made. And then I realized that everything has happened and I forgot I forgot to eat breakfast. So we need to remember to do those things to make sure that we’re eating regularly throughout the day, that we’re keeping our energy up.

Eating regularly is important, but also eating healthy is really important. So this might be keeping healthy snacks in your purse or your backpack, maybe in your desk at work, so that you’re prepared, in case maybe you did realize that you forgot to eat a meal when you still you still got some food there for you. If you didn’t, if you ran out of the house and forgot to eat breakfast.

And this also makes sure that we’re keeping our energy up throughout the day. So you can see in this image here, there’s a couple of different weight of these different options for healthy foods. So maybe nuts, fruit, cheese all of these things are really healthy snacks. We want to stay away from sugary snacks that can actually cause our energy to drop.

They may seem easy to grab in the moment, but if we keep our energy up by having these healthier snacks, it’s going to be much better for us and we’re going to be less likely to be overwhelmed or overstimulated if we’re eating those healthy snacks. Sleep is a challenge for people with ADHD, but the more that we can keep to a regular routine and a regular schedule, which means going to to sleep and waking up generally around the same time every day, that’s going to give us the best chance of being well-rested and having all of our resources available to us as we wake up and are faced with all of the challenges that come

along with being a parent and being a parent with ADHD. So making sure that you are at least really intentional and thoughtful about your sleep, and getting to sleep at a reasonable time and trying to get as much sleep as possible and generally, that’s about 7 to 9 hours per night for the average adult.

Staying hydrated is really important. Again, this might sound silly or simple, but ADHD adults with ADHD and ADHD parents are kind of notorious for not drinking enough water forgetting to drink water. I know I can carry my water bottle around all day and it’s full and I still forget to drink it. So maybe setting reminders on your phone to to drink water, but just at least carrying that water bottle around with you and throughout the day at some point you will remember to drink.

But that is also important with, to keep our energy up. And so that you’re kind of feeling at your best when you’re trying to be an available parent for your kids. Exercise is also really important way of taking care of ourselves. It’s really important for that basic wellness. And there’s research that shows that exercise can have a huge positive effect on ADHD symptoms, and managing some of the distractibility and restlessness, especially that comes with ADHD.

And so I actually have a client who uses exercise is one of the main ways to manage her ADHD. So this can be going for a walk. It can be doing yoga. It can be any kind of movement. It can be dance. So just getting out and moving your body is a form of exercise. It doesn’t have to be something overly scheduled or over overly rigorous, but just making sure that you’re moving your body and keeping yourself active.

Seeking social support. Asking for help. Letting other people be there for you, and having some other people in your life who can help and balance things out when you need help the most. So making sure that you’re keeping yourself connected with other people and you’re not trying to do everything on your own is really, really important. As an element of the basic wellness that’s important to keep up.

So those are some some of those basic wellness strategies. But I want to talk for a few minutes now about a couple of self-care skills that are important to develop. So these might not be available to you. They might not be as accessible or readily available because you haven’t worked on this yet, or you haven’t even recognized that these are things to develop.

So I’m going to talk about a few of these, and I encourage you to really think about how you can start practicing some of these things in your life so that you’re building these self-care skills and helping yourself to be as grounded and present as you can be as a parent with ADHD. So I’m going to show you a video here that is by a woman named Katherine Luzardo.

She’s a lawyer and a speaker and the creator of an online community for ADHD moms. That’s called ADHD mom Preneur. And so again, I’ll have the link for her stuff for information at the end of the presentation today. But just to give you an overview of who this is. So I’m going to play the video. You actually won’t be able to see her very well.

And she’ll explain in the video why that is. But I just wanted to give you a name to go with the video so that you understand where the video is coming from. And she’s going to talk a little bit about being overwhelmed and drained and what we can do and how we can start developing a way to kind of take care of ourselves with that.

So you can see the the reason that you’re not able to see her is because she’s taking that time to be in a dark, quiet space to manage the overstimulation that she’s feeling as a parent with ADHD. She says, I love my boys, but sometimes I just need the space. And so that’s a really important self-care skill for you to develop as well.

Is recognizing when am I starting to feel overwhelmed and overstimulated, and what do I need to do about it? So maybe it means going to a different room and just saying, I need a few minutes to just unwind, and maybe it means turning off the lights. Maybe it means actually putting a blanket over you and getting a little bit of that sort of darkness and quiet that you need.

So starting to think about what are the ways that I need to step away from things, and what can I do so that I can manage that overstimulation. And this is actually a really healthy thing that you can do for yourself and for your kids as an ADHD parent. So what do you need to manage your overstimulation?

So I’m going to show you another video. Now, when I made reference to this at an earlier point in talking about the challenges of managing emotion regulation as an ADHD parent. So I’m going to share with you a video now of the three steps for practicing emotion regulation and how we can become more emotionally regulated. So this video is the the speaker and it is her name is Doctor Jennifer Kite or Kate Kitty.

She’s an educational psychologist, a human behavior consultant, and a certified life coach. And again, I’ll have the information for you to access all of her materials in a little bit in a a little later slide, and she’s going to walk us through the three steps for emotion regulation.

So just to recap, the three steps that she talks about is our pause process and proceed. And if we can practice these three steps it’s going to help regulate the emotions. So pause is taking a breath stopping what we’re doing, taking that pause. Next we want to reflect and figure out like process what what am I feeling and trying to pick up on and understand what is it that I’m feeling?

Am I angry in my sad? We’re in a process that that emotion that we’re feeling. And then the third step is proceed. What do I want to do with this? Do I want to stay in my feelings? Do I want to do something else? What does my feeling need? That’s the question that I would encourage you to think about.

For that proceed. What does this feeling need? Does it need me getting some exercise? Does it need me sitting and taking a few deep breaths? Really taking that time to think? What is it that that I need that this feeling needs right now? And how do I want to proceed? So pause, process, proceed. And I really encourage you to to practice this practice these three steps to build those emotion regulation skills.

So I made reference to this at an earlier point as well. But mindfulness is a really important self-care skill to develop. So this is really the brief way that I would really encourage you to think about this is just being thoughtful and mindful about what am I feeling and what am I doing in this moment. So again, it’s similar to what we just talked about.

But taking a pause and just observing and noticing how am I feeling? What am I doing? Is this what I want to be doing? Is this what I want to be feeling, or how I want to be acting in this moment? And also being curious about that? Isn’t this interesting that a few minutes ago I was calm and now I’m starting to get activated or frustrated or angry?

I wonder what that’s about. That’s interesting. So just developing this way of looking at ourselves, that’s less harsh, less judgmental, and really curious and kind of open to understanding what’s going on for ourselves.

And the last self-care skill for us to develop is asking for help. So this is really important for parents with ADHD because we tend to try to do everything on our own. We feel like we should be able to do everything because we see everybody else being able to do things. And so part of this is also we don’t want people to see that we’re struggling.

We don’t want people to see that we can’t keep it all together. So being able to recognize this is hard for me. I’m not able to do all of these things myself. I do actually need help. Think about pressing that help button and saying, can somebody come and help me with this? Maybe it’s asking your partner, your spouse to take over for a moment because you need to go step aside and manage being overstimulated.

Maybe you actually need your kids if they’re old enough to help pack the lunches with you. Maybe you just need to go for a walk in. You need somebody to come with you. So thinking about, I don’t have to do this on my own and how can I ask for help? What help do I need and who can I ask?

And really, building that skill of recognizing I can’t do this all on my own. And it’s okay for me, and it’s important for me to ask for help.

Okay, so we’re coming to the last section here, and this is where we’re going to talk a little bit about some resources and support. And I’m just going to direct you to a couple of places where you can reach out to for more support if you need beyond just the information from this and these presentations.

So I’m not going to go into a lot of detail about this. And again, as I mentioned in the intro to ADHD presentation, I’m not here to push medication on anyone. And DPS as as a team is not here to push medication on anyone. But we do want to encourage you to if you’re not already taking medication, to at least consider it and maybe consult with your doctor about whether or not it would be right for you or helpful for you.

Because there’s a lot of evidence that especially stimulant medication can be very helpful for people with ADHD and adults with ADHD, and this can be really helpful as a way to manage some of those ADHD symptoms that you might experience as a parent. So really encourage you to consider medication. If you’re already taking medication, make sure that you take it regularly because that’s going to give you the best chance of the medication working, how you need and when you need.

So the next few slides that I have for you are really directing you to some specific services that the health board offers. So they you can find out and go to the websites that I’m sharing here and see what’s available in your specific community. And if it’s not available automatically in your community, where you might be able to reach out to for support.

And the DPS can also help with our clinical advisors, can help you kind of locate some of the services through the case managers in your community, where these might be accessible to you and how they might be accessible to you, but they are available within the health board. So the first one is that there are psychology and therapy services.

So if you need some support to manage the challenges of being an ADHD parent, I would encourage you to look for what’s available for therapy and the psychology services within your community that are available for you as an adult. Within the within your community, nutritional counseling is available within the health board and within at least some of the communities.

So this can be helpful with some of those basic wellness kind of strategies that I talked about earlier, making sure that, you know, what kinds of foods are healthy, how much to eat, when to eat, what’s going to be healthiest for you and your lifestyle. So having some somebody who’s an expert in that area who can really help you understand even what are the foods that that you should or maybe shouldn’t be eating.

And so this is a really helpful tool for parents with ADHD.

If there isn’t already, and I know in some of the communities, there are some parenting support groups for parents with ADHD. If not, maybe consider creating one. Seeing asking around, seeing if there’s some other parents in your community that have ADHD and are willing to meet every once in a while. Maybe it’s once a week, once every two weeks.

Maybe it’s just once a month, or maybe it’s whenever you can, you know, find the time to get together. But knowing that there’s a support group available to you, maybe it’s just an online group chat that you set up or a text chain that you set up so that there’s somebody else, that there’s some other people that that you have for support within your community.

So finding out if that’s available or creating one, if it’s not.

And I just want to offer you a online resource that has a lot of information that you might find extremely useful. So it’s called attitude. It’s a it’s an online magazine, but they also have a great Instagram or Instagram account. They’ve got a really good website with thousands of articles that you can read that will teach you more about ADHD.

Some of them are written for professionals, some of them are written for people exactly like you who are parents with ADHD. Maybe parents with kids who have ADHD. And it’s a nice way for you to get lots more information. So I’ve put this up here. You can follow them on Instagram. The website is their attitude mag.com. It’s a really, really useful online resource that I really encourage you to check out.

So just as we end the presentation for today, I’m going to encourage you to come back to that first activity. Now that you’ve had a little bit more experience and information about the challenges, the strengths, and the different ways that we can kind of learn to work with our ADHD. If you weren’t able to fill out this activity sheet the first time, I encourage you to go back to it now and maybe you’ll add something.

Maybe you can, you know, do a second round of this on the activity handout. So come back to this and see if you can come up with two truths and a reframe.

And as we end today like I said I’m going to put this up. So if it’s helpful maybe you can even take a picture with your phone. If you want to hold on to this information. So these are the different videos that were shown throughout the presentation today, and the names of the people who created the videos. And then I’ve also included their website as well as the specific links to those videos, and where you can access more information from these different professionals.

So I want to thank you for your attention and your presence throughout the presentation today. And if you are interested in contacting me, here’s some in the information where you can contact me either on Instagram or through my email at the Cree Health Board. And if you have questions or things that we might be able to help you with at DPS, you can check us out on the website there as well.

So thank you and I encourage you to keep focusing on how you can build on the strengths that exist for you as an ADHD parent and recognize that you’re not alone. And there’s a lot of things that are really wonderful about having ADHD and being a parent with ADHD. It’s not only about the challenges. So thank you very much.